I always remind my clients, that when you are going through a separation do not talk to your children in any type of negative way about their other parent or their extended family.
Your children are half of them whether you like it or not.
Denigrating the other parent sends a message to your child that you are rejecting a part of them. A very special part of who they are.
Is it easy when you are going through a separation and feeling big emotions yourself? Absolutely not but no-one said parenting is easy.
If you are feeling big emotions and triggers that is completely normal and you should reach out to a professional to help guide you through those emotions.
Your child should never feel like they are in the middle or responsible for their parents emotions. Childhood is short and we want to allow them that carefree innocence as long as possible.
Remember it is your responsibility to shield them from that.
If you are going through a separation or divorce and would like a heart centred and child focussed approach then book in a 1 hour Strategy Session at Coastal Lawyers.
Coastal Lawyers are Central Coast based family lawyers with boutique offices conveniently located at Gosford.
We can guide you through all aspects of family law including parenting, property settlement and divorce.
“The person with the higher level of consciousness has the responsibility to lead”
Wow! Just wow!
This Kerwin Rae quote really rang true to me particularly for my family law clients.
Kerwin was discussing how important boundaries are.
Boundaries after separation are even more significant or important because by setting boundaries then we teach people how to treat us.
We show people what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour.
We take control of what the new “normal” will look like.
Often when couples seperate they are not at the same “stage” in the process.
I have talked before to so many of my clients about how experts compare the separation process to the grieving process.
• Shock and denial • Pain and guilt • Anger and bargaining • Depression • The upward turn • Reconstruction and working through • Acceptance and hope
Anyone who has been through a separation can probably really relate to the above waves of emotion.
So the next time you a navigating different areas of your separation, take a moment to consider how you can control your actions and behaviours because we all know we can’t control anyone else’s.
And if you need help with your separation then you can always jump online and book a 1 hour strategy session.
Parent arrangements are one of the major conflicts in divorce and separation.
Reducing the conflict during this emotional time is essential to effective parenting and this is where a family can look to a co-parenting app to help.
Co-parenting apps are a very effective tool in managing the day-to-day arrangements of the care of children. Co-parenting apps can assist with such things as calendars, medical history, money, and messaging. There are several apps available, some of which can be found below.
2Houses
2Houses is focused on helping separated parents communicate and organise their lives so they can focus their attention on the wellbeing of their children.
Features include:
Calendar
Expense log
Custody schedules and journal
Message log
Info bank
Photo storage
Read-only access to other professionals
Cost:Free 14 day trial. $159 per year (billed at $13.25 per month).
Our Family Wizard is an app that is very communication focused. It includes options for third parties and extended families as well as the children to be a part of this app. This app has a function for parents to trade or swap time allowing for flexible parenting arrangements. In addition it can store important information about medical history and imunisations records allowing both parents to stay up to date on their parental responsibilities.
Features include:
Calendar
Document management
Expense log
Photo storage
Info Bank
Custody schedules
Message Log
Communication screening*
*The ‘ToneMeter’ is an optional extra that screens your communication in the app, picking up on negative messaging and giving you an alternative that is less likely to start an argument.
Cost: Annual subscriptions start at $99 for one year, with a 30-day money-back guarantee. ToneMeter is an additional $10 per year.
WeParent is great for navigating family life as it now supports all family types not just divorced or separated parents. Children over the age of 13 can also use the app with the family. The blog contains many practical and helpful tips for separated couples.
Features include:
Calendar
Document management
Photo storage
Custody schedules
Message log
Contact sharing
Cost: Free 14 day trial. $9.99 per month, $99.99 per year or $199.99 for a lifetime for your family.
Parentship is used by families, not just separated couples. The ‘dashboard’ function provides all users with a summary of upcoming events, recent messages or other notifications.
Features include:
Calendar
Expense Log
Message Log
Shared Contacts
Info Bank
Document storage
Cost: Free trial. Free (for up to 108 entries a month), $1.99 weekly, $3.99 monthly or $24.99 per year.
Cozi has no financial commitment and is idea if parents have an amicable relationship and just want a family organiser. This app is not specifically targeted at separated couples but is designed to be an all-round family organiser. It also excellent for creating menu plans and to do lists.
FamCal is a great app to help families organise the basics. Everyone in the family even the children can access the shared calendar and use the functions to easily plan group activities.
Features include:
Calendar
Shared lists and notes
Cost: Free – with app upgrades available at a charge.
Custody Connection is a cloud-based custody calendar iphone app that acts as a primary calendar that the parent can sync with a co-parent. It auto tracks custody arrangements during the year and allows for trade requests.
Features include:
Calendar
Custody schedule
Info bank
Cost: Free – with app upgrades available at a charge.
Coparently has a unique feature that allows free guest access for caregivers and family law professionals – as well as all the basic functions that the other co-parenting apps offer.
Features include:
Calendar
Custody Schedule
Expense Log
Message Log
Shared Contacts
Cost: Free trial. $9.99 per month or $99 per year (per parent).
Baby Connect is for parents of babies. The app co-ordinates the baby’s day to day activities such as sleeping schedule, feeds, medications as well as doctors’ visits. It shares the baby’s routine which can be utilised by separated couples. It allows a parent to set reminders about when the next feed is due. It allows for several authorised users with entries immediately synchronised on each user account.
And remember, if you have a family law matter, you can always book a family law strategy session with Coastal Lawyers.
Our Family Law Strategy Sessions are an hour-long session with a Family Lawyer to discuss all things parenting, property and divorce.
We have you complete a detailed questionnaire prior to our meeting so that we can spend our hour together answering your questions. These sessions are great for those thinking about separating or who have recently separated and who want more information and clarification around the separation process.
Coastal Lawyers are experienced criminal lawyers, traffic lawyers and family lawyers located on the Central Coast.
Coastal Lawyers offer legal representation at all Central Coast court’s including Gosford Local Court, Gosford District Court, Wyong Local Court, Woy Woy Local Court, Raymond Terrace, Toronto and Belmont.
Coastal Lawyers offer representation in all Family Court’s and Federal Courts. Including divorce, parenting, property, child support and maintenance.
WHO ARE COASTAL LAWYERS?
Coastal Lawyers are central coast family lawyers. We offer representation in all areas of family law including divorce, parenting property and maintenance.
Written by Kristal
Principal Lawyer & Founder of Coastal Lawyers
Kristal was admitted as a lawyer in 2011. A former prosecutor, she has a Diploma in Law. A Graduate Certificate in Criminal Practice and is currently completing her Masters in Family Law (2022).
Kristal is a member of the Legal Aid Panels for criminal law and family law and domestic violence.
Fun Fact: Kristal loves all things mindfulness, meditation and "wu wu".
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One of the more common enquiries received at Coastal Lawyers is about children’s views.
Parents often want to know, how children’s views taken into account in a family law matter and another common question is how old does a child have to be before their views are taken into account?
We explore the views of the children in family law matters below.
Best Interests of the Child is always the starting point.
In a family law matter concerning children the paramount consideration of the Court is the best interests of the child.[1]
In determining this, s 60CC(2) of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth)[2] requires the Court to consider two things:
1. The benefit to the child of having a meaningful relationship with both of the child’s parents[3] and
2. The need to protect the child from physical or psychological harm from being subjected to, or exposed to abuse, neglect or family violence.[4]
Section 60CC of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth)[5] provides for many additional considerations, a small example of these are:
Any views expressed by the child and any other factors such as the child’s level of maturity and understanding;[6]
The nature of the relationship that the child has with each of their parents and the extended family;[7] and
The maturity, sex, lifestyle and background of the child.[8]
How old does a child have to be before the court will consider their wishes?
Well there is no set age.
The extent to which they are taken into consideration will depend on the child’s age, level of maturity and level of understanding.
The views of older children are likely to be given more weight than those of the younger children. This is because often with children this age they have a better level of understanding and maturing and can clearly express their views.
Children’s Evidence: Do children give evidence in family law matters?
As a general rule, Children are not called to give evidence in these proceedings,[13].
However, in the rare case where a child is required to give evidence they do so as a vulnerable witness via an Audio-Visual Link (AVL) from another room in the courthouse and are kept out of the courtroom if possible.[21]
How is children’s views obtained if they don’t generally give evidence?
Because there is an exception to the rule against hearsay as stated in s 69ZV of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth).[20] there are a number of ways that a child’s views or wishes are expressed to the court including:
Through a Family Consultant at a Child Inclusive Conference (CIC). The Family Consultant will then record this in writing and relay it to the court.[14]
The Court may appoint an expert such as a psychologist or psychiatrist who will record the children’s views and relay them to the court.[15]
An Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) may be appointed by the court[16] to represent the child’s best interests including conveying their wishes to the court.[17]
A Family Report, s 62G(2) of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth)[18]
Section 60CD of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) states that the Court must consider any view expressed by the child when making its decision.[19]
The Court Orders
The Court will not make orders that in its opinion, are not in the child’s best interest, even if they are the express wishes of the child.[22]
Any wishes of the child that the Court sees as a departure from what is in the children’s best interests will be disregarded.[23]
In this case although the child was 16 years of age the Court did not make orders according to the views expressed by the child via the Court appointed expert. In this case the High Court decided that the views of the child are only one factor to be considered when deciding what is in their best interests.
Navigating the break down of a relationship or a marriage is stressful. But like anything, when you add kids into the mix it can become even more complicated.
You might have heard that there are a few different kinds of parenting arrangements that can be put in place after the breakdown of a relationship.
You might have had well meaning advice from others who have walked the path before you. “Get court orders”. Where is your parenting plan? “You will have to go to Court”. You head may be spinning with all the options.
Well in this post Coastal Lawyers, sets out simply what the main types of parenting arrangements are.
To help you understand the options that you have, we’ve weighed in on some of the individual positives and the drawbacks of each alternative. I mean who doesn’t love a good ‘pro’s and con’s list’.
The 4 types of parenting arrangements are:
Informal Arrangement;
Parenting Plan;
Consent Orders; and
Final/Court Orders.
Informal Arrangements
Parents are perfectly entitled to come up with their own arrangements for co-parenting their children after separation. There are no requirements for written agreements or orders from the court. These types of arrangements are best for parents who have positive communication skills, positive conflict resolution skills and equal ‘power’ in the relationship.
PROS
Cheap;
Flexible; and
Less confronting than the formal legal process.
CONS
Requires positive communication and conflict resolution skills which are often lacking between separating parties; and
It is not enforceable if the other party breaks the agreement.
If one party is not reliable, it can mean the other party is constantly having to make last arrangements.
Parenting Plan
A parenting plan (alike an informal arrangement) is another type of private parenting agreement.
It is a little more formal though and must be in writing, signed by both parents and dated as per Section 63C of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth).
PROS
Cost-effective
Has more certainty than purely informal arrangements because at least it is written down.
CONS
Not enforceable by a Court; and
Requires collaboration and agreement between separating parties which can be a challenge where communication is not positive.
Consent Orders
Consent Orders are an order made by the Court formalising the agreed terms of a parenting plan.
PROS
Court enforceable; and
The certainty of compliance or recourse if the other parent breaches (breaks) the arrangements.
CONS
Inflexibility;
Court involvement; and
Requires collaboration and agreement between separating parties which can be a challenge sometimes depending on the dynamic of the relationship.
Final Court Orders
In situations where there is no agreement between parents, Court Orders may be required. This is where the Court will make a decision upon parenting arrangements based on a number of considerations, including its paramount concern, which is in the best interests of the child or children involved.
PROS
Court enforceable;
The certainty of arrangements
Does not require agreement or collaboration between separated parties as the court will decide.
CONS
Potentially lengthy and emotionally draining litigation process;
Inflexibility;
Significant legal costs and
Because the court decides, the parents no longer have control over their parenting arrangements. One or both parents may not ultimately be happy with the orders made.
As you can see, there is a lot to think about when it comes to parenting arrangements. At Coastal Lawyers, we aim to help parents come to agreements as to the arrangements of their children without the emotional stress and financial burden of going to Court.
Do you need help?
We offer representation and legal advice in all areas of family law including divorce, separation, parenting property and maintenance.
We offer representation and advice at court in criminal law matters including local court, district court and supreme Court.
Coastal Lawyers are on the Legal Aid panels for criminal law and family law and can represent eligible clients in legal aid matters.
DISCLAIMER (BECAUSE WOULD WE EVEN BE LAWYERS WITHOUT ONE):
The information contained in this legal resource is information only. It is not a substitute for your own research and/or legal advice. If you need legal advice, then you can book an obligation-free appointment with Coastal Lawyers online.
We saw this fantastic image on Facebook and we just love it!
As a former prosecutor and police officer now with 3 little ones, body safety is HUGE on our house.
We have regularly discussed whether it is the vicarious trauma from cases which we have been involved with but in reality it is just teaching your children that it’s okay to be empowered when it comes to their own bodies.
It is their body after all!
They really make the rules. They know what they feel comfortable with and what they don’t.
We don’t pretend to have all the answers (I mean are we cutting the toast into squares or triangles today?)
But some of the things we have always implemented are:
We call body parts by their names and then teach our kids what the proper names are. It’s called arms and legs and penis and vagina for a reason!
We don’t force our kids to hug others or provide physical contact. They are enlightened little beings and if they feel comfortable and choose to hug someone then they will. They are not shy.
“It’s a secret” is bull! We keep surprises for birthdays or other special occasions but we also explain why a surprise is a good idea.
We also empower our kids to know that they can scream, kick or shout (just like my underpants rules says) if they faced a situation where they don’t feel comfortable. They don’t have to be polite. They don’t have to worry about “getting in trouble”. If they don’t feel comfortable. If it doesn’t sit well with them. Then they have permission to do what they need too. #terrigal #bodysafetyeducation #breakthecycle #lawyersofinstagram
