When it comes to family law disputes, many people come to mediation after months of lawyer assisted negotiations or discussions between themselves.
By then, they’re often firmly attached to their legal “rights” and positions. While knowing your rights and understanding the strengths and weaknesses of your case is absolutely essential, mediation requires a different mindset.
Instead of focusing on winning or losing, mediation works best when both parties are willing to move from their starting positions.
A successful mediation isn’t about victory; it’s about compromise. In fact, the hallmark of a good outcome is that both parties leave feeling a little disappointed. A sense of “I could’ve got more.” That’s not failure; that’s balance. It means both of you sacrificed something in order to reach an agreement.
Why Compromise is Worth It
So why agree to something less than your “ideal” outcome? Well in my experience as both a seasoned family lawyer and an Accredited Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner is there are four main reasons:
1. Cost
Litigation is expensive. You might fight over $10,000, but by the end of a drawn-out case, you could spend $100,000 to $150,000 in legal fees if it goes to a full final hearing. Mediation allows you to resolve matters far more affordably.
2. Emotional Wellbeing
The toll of conflict isn’t just financial. Prolonged disputes can deeply affect your mental health and wellbeing.
More importantly, if children are involved, ongoing parental conflict can be profoundly damaging. Research shows extended exposure to conflict can even alter a child’s brain development. No parent wants to look back and realise that legal battles over dollars and cents cost their children peace of mind and stability.
3. Time
Court proceedings are rarely quick. Even after your first court date, which may take 6 to 12 weeks to arrive you’re often simply sent back to further directions, mediations, report preparations or adjournments. It’s common for matters to drag on for 18 months or more. By contrast, a mediated agreement can be drafted into consent orders and finalised within weeks or months depending on the complexity and issues in dispute.
4. You get to decide
What many do not realise is that when you go to court and are involved in litigation. You are paying for a judge to decide what should happy to your family and your finances. In mediation however, you get to maintain control over what happens. When you are involved in litigation, who ‘wins’ will depend on who presents the best evidence on the day(s) of the trial and how the judge assigned to your case assesses that evidence.
The Harsh Reality of Litigation
If mediation fails, litigation often becomes the next step. But here’s the reality:
Over time, costs escalate while assets often depreciate. You are already losing.
Conflict tends to increase, not decrease.
Litigation fatigue sets in, leaving families drained financially and emotionally.
The court process is slow, and the “big day” in front of a judge may be years away.
In many cases, the final court order looks very similar to what could have been achieved in mediation years earlier or sadly worse because now emotionally and financially a toll has been taken.
When Court is Necessary
The court system is crucial for keeping families safe. If there are serious concerns like family violence, abuse, or unacceptable risks to children, the court is the best place to ensure protection and accountability. In those circumstances, litigation is not just appropriate but essential sometimes. This is where having an experienced family lawyer is crucial to understanding your particular unique case and needs.
However, in cases involving modest asset pools such as a home, cars, superannuation, and savings mediation often provides the fastest, least damaging path forward.
Final Thoughts
Mediation isn’t about giving up your rights or “losing.” It’s about making a clear-eyed, practical decision for the sake of your finances, your wellbeing, and most importantly your children. By approaching mediation with the right mindset, you give yourself the best chance of moving forward sooner, lighter, and with less regret.
If you would like to learn more about mediation, this blog post is written by Kristal Naividi of Olive Mediation and you can find out more at http://www.olivemediation.com.au
Coercive control is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to dominate, manipulate, and control a partner. Unlike physical violence, coercive control can include subtle and persistent behaviors that isolate, intimidate, and degrade the victim, severely impacting their freedom and well-being.
Examples of coercive control include:
Isolating the victim from friends and family.
Monitoring movements, communication, or finances.
Intimidation, manipulation, and threats.
Restricting access to money or resources.
Acts of humiliation or degradation.
Repeated threats of violence or harm.
The New Coercive Control Laws in NSW
Under the Crimes Legislation Amendment (Coercive Control) Act 2022, coercive control is now a criminal offense in NSW. The new laws will take effect from 1 July 2024 and are designed to protect victims of domestic and family violence by criminalizing non-physical forms of abuse.
Key Elements of the New Laws
For a conviction of coercive control, the following must be proven:
The accused engaged in a course of conduct (a pattern of behavior, not isolated incidents).
The accused and victim were in an intimate relationship at the time.
The accused’s behavior was intended to coerce, control, or dominate the victim.
A reasonable person would consider the behavior likely to cause fear of violence or have a serious adverse effect on the victim’s daily activities.
Maximum Penalty
The offense carries a maximum penalty of seven years’ imprisonment.
When the Law Applies
The new law covers abusive behavior during and after intimate relationships.
It does not apply to relationships outside intimate partnerships, such as friendships or workplace interactions.
Exceptional Factors to Note
The court will examine the pattern of behavior, the relationship dynamics, and the victim’s experiences to determine the seriousness of the offense. Factors like financial control, isolation, and ongoing intimidation will weigh heavily in assessments.
Why These Laws Matter
The introduction of coercive control laws aims to close the gap in protecting victims of domestic and family violence. By criminalizing controlling behaviors, the law recognizes the profound harm these actions can cause, even without physical violence.
Support and Resources for Victims
If you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control, help is available:
Legal Aid NSW: Provides free legal assistance and resources for those affected by coercive control and domestic violence.
National Domestic Violence Helpline (1800 RESPECT): Offers 24/7 confidential support and counseling.
Local Community Legal Centers: Can guide you on your legal rights and next steps.
How Coastal Lawyers Can Help
At Coastal Lawyers, we understand the complexities of domestic and family violence cases. If you’re affected by coercive control and need legal advice, our experienced team is here to provide compassionate and expert guidance.
Contact Us Today
Take the first step toward protecting yourself and your loved ones. Schedule a confidential consultation with Coastal Lawyers.
Written by Coastal Lawyers- Central Coast Family Lawyers
Coastal Lawyers are family lawyers based in Erina, on the Central Coast.
Coastal Lawyers assist family law clients in parenting, property, mediation, dispute resolution, and litigation. We offer the legal advice you expect from a lawyer, along with the emotional support you might not expect.
We are passionate about assisting our clients achieve amicable separations without the need for court intervention through the process of legally assisted mediation.
Our team also frequently appears at the Newcastle Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (Newcastle FCFCOA), the Parramatta Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (Parramatta FCFCOA), and the Sydney Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (Sydney FCFCOA) to represent our clients in more intricate family law matters. This encompasses issues related to family violence, unacceptable risk of harm to children, relocation applications, recovery orders and complex property settlements.
Coastal Lawyers offer a 1 hour Strategy Session for all new family law enquiries at a reduced hourly rate.
Each and every piece of feedback we receive from our clients is so incredible important to me.
It shows that we are on the right track. It shows that we are making small in roads towards changing the perceptions of lawyers generally.
My ethos is that you can’t be expected to make big decisions about your life unless you have a legal adviser that you trust and feel safe with.
Our feedback shows that there is a market for lawyers who not only have the legal knowledge you expect but also have an empathetic and heart centred approach you really do need.
So if you have a legal problem, feel free to book in a free 15 minute chat online with one of our lawyers or book a 1 hour strategy session at a cost of $330. We offer strategy sessions for all areas of criminal law, family law, divorce and estate planning.
Feedback about Jayne at Coastal Lawyers. Jayne Tayler solicitor is very approachable and easy to talk to. Jayne Tayler was wonderful, very informative and easy to talk to. Kind, understanding and very knowledgeable Kristal is nothing short of amazing Thorough, transparent, reassuring Kristal is amazingly prompt and knowledgeable The whole team at Coastal Lawyers has been great Honest and calming and very knowledgeable Kristal gave me the knowledge and confidence to self represent at local court
If you are going through a separation then these are our top 5 tips
Obviously break ups suck that’s why there are so many songs written about them. Eat all the foods. Cry all the tears and drink all the wine in those first few days. Call those besties in your life for support or if you are really struggling then engaging with a counsellor or psychologist is an amazing act of self care.
Update all your passwords and logins. It’s not unusual in a relationship to know your partners logins or to share location services. But changing those things is a great boundary to put in place and will prevent any potential financial issues down the track.
Under the Family Law Act you will have an obligation of disclosure so it’s best to start collating all your financial information including payslips, tax returns, bank statements for the past 12 months, credit card debts etc.
Write down what you brought into your relationship and what you contributed during the relationship. Consider your financial and non financial contributions. (Yes staying at home with those beautiful babies is a contribution to be reflected in your property settlement).
Book in a 1 hour Strategy Session with Coastal Lawyers. Many of our clients book these sessions in before they are going to seperate or once they are newly separated so they can find out their legal rights and responsibilities when it comes to parenting, property and divorce.
In September 2021, the Federal Circuit Court and the Family Court merged to create the FCFCOA.
With that merger brought a stronger focus on pre-action procedures. These are the steps that families should take before they even consider bringing an application in court.
While there are still exemptions if you are the victim of family violence, children are at risk of harm or the matter is urgent. There is a clear pathway towards mediation and resolution outside of court.
At @coastallawyers we embrace every opportunity to keep our clients out of court and we think that the whole process of mediation just makes sense for families. It is inclusive. It is collaborative. It is much more cost effective. The parties remain in control and it is future focussed.
If you have recently separated, then why not book in a 1 hour Strategy Session @coastallawyers for $330 and we can discuss how the pre-action procedures apply to your family.
As of 1 July 2022 we also offer fixed fees for family law matters including legally assisted mediation and consent orders. * * * #centralcoastnsw #gosford #terrigal #wamberal #coast #localbusiness #lawyer #smallbusiness #lawyerlife #mumlife #centralcoast #coasties
