When it comes to family law disputes, many people come to mediation after months of lawyer assisted negotiations or discussions between themselves.
By then, they’re often firmly attached to their legal “rights” and positions. While knowing your rights and understanding the strengths and weaknesses of your case is absolutely essential, mediation requires a different mindset.
Instead of focusing on winning or losing, mediation works best when both parties are willing to move from their starting positions.
A successful mediation isn’t about victory; it’s about compromise. In fact, the hallmark of a good outcome is that both parties leave feeling a little disappointed. A sense of “I could’ve got more.” That’s not failure; that’s balance. It means both of you sacrificed something in order to reach an agreement.
Why Compromise is Worth It
So why agree to something less than your “ideal” outcome? Well in my experience as both a seasoned family lawyer and an Accredited Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner is there are four main reasons:
1. Cost
Litigation is expensive. You might fight over $10,000, but by the end of a drawn-out case, you could spend $100,000 to $150,000 in legal fees if it goes to a full final hearing. Mediation allows you to resolve matters far more affordably.
2. Emotional Wellbeing
The toll of conflict isn’t just financial. Prolonged disputes can deeply affect your mental health and wellbeing.
More importantly, if children are involved, ongoing parental conflict can be profoundly damaging. Research shows extended exposure to conflict can even alter a child’s brain development. No parent wants to look back and realise that legal battles over dollars and cents cost their children peace of mind and stability.
3. Time
Court proceedings are rarely quick. Even after your first court date, which may take 6 to 12 weeks to arrive you’re often simply sent back to further directions, mediations, report preparations or adjournments. It’s common for matters to drag on for 18 months or more. By contrast, a mediated agreement can be drafted into consent orders and finalised within weeks or months depending on the complexity and issues in dispute.
4. You get to decide
What many do not realise is that when you go to court and are involved in litigation. You are paying for a judge to decide what should happy to your family and your finances. In mediation however, you get to maintain control over what happens. When you are involved in litigation, who ‘wins’ will depend on who presents the best evidence on the day(s) of the trial and how the judge assigned to your case assesses that evidence.
The Harsh Reality of Litigation
If mediation fails, litigation often becomes the next step. But here’s the reality:
Over time, costs escalate while assets often depreciate. You are already losing.
Conflict tends to increase, not decrease.
Litigation fatigue sets in, leaving families drained financially and emotionally.
The court process is slow, and the “big day” in front of a judge may be years away.
In many cases, the final court order looks very similar to what could have been achieved in mediation years earlier or sadly worse because now emotionally and financially a toll has been taken.
When Court is Necessary
The court system is crucial for keeping families safe. If there are serious concerns like family violence, abuse, or unacceptable risks to children, the court is the best place to ensure protection and accountability. In those circumstances, litigation is not just appropriate but essential sometimes. This is where having an experienced family lawyer is crucial to understanding your particular unique case and needs.
However, in cases involving modest asset pools such as a home, cars, superannuation, and savings mediation often provides the fastest, least damaging path forward.
Final Thoughts
Mediation isn’t about giving up your rights or “losing.” It’s about making a clear-eyed, practical decision for the sake of your finances, your wellbeing, and most importantly your children. By approaching mediation with the right mindset, you give yourself the best chance of moving forward sooner, lighter, and with less regret.
If you would like to learn more about mediation, this blog post is written by Kristal Naividi of Olive Mediation and you can find out more at http://www.olivemediation.com.au
What is a conciliation conference and why might I need one?
A Conciliation Conference is court ordered mediation.
It is an opportunity for you and your former partner to settle your family law dispute in a bid to reach an agreement and avoid continuing lengthy and expensive court events.
Where an order is made by the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (the Court) for you to attend a conciliation conference, your attendance will be compulsory.
Both you and your former partner will be required to meet with a Judicial Registrar to make a genuine effort to resolve your dispute.
Where safety issues exist, your attendance may be undertaken separately by way of a shuttle setting.
There are three stages involved in the Conciliation Conference process:
Stage 1
This is the introductory process. Here the Judicial Registrar will briefly meet with you and the other party to explain their role, seek information about issues such as family violence, confirm the materials and issues in dispute and answer any questions you may have.
Stage 2
This is an opportunity to explore areas of agreement and seek opportunities to resolve the matter. The Registrar will assist both parties to identify these.
Stage 3:
This is the conclusion of the conference, whereby the Registrar can make orders that reflect the agreement, identify outstanding issues, confirm next steps and prepare the Certificate of Dispute Resolution.
How long does the conference last?
The conference will last approximately four hours.
What orders can be made?
Any orders made by the Registrar will only be by consent, which means they will only be made where you and the other party agree to them.
The settlement negotiations are also privileged. This means that whatever you or the other party say during negotiating cannot be used against you if the matter goes to court.
Exceptions to the above however relate to a suspicion of child abuse, violence, or threats of violence, as court staff are required by law to report this.
The Certificate of Dispute Resolution is also exempted and can be used in court as evidence if the matter proceeds to trial.
What must I do before a Conciliation Conference?
To make best use of the process, exchanging information with your former partner and with the Court prior to the conference is crucial. This is known as full and frank disclosure.
Where to get more help?
If you are ordered to attend a Conciliation Conference, Coastal Lawyers can assist you to prepare and advocate on your behalf.
Written by Coastal Lawyers- Central Coast Family Lawyers
Coastal Lawyers are family lawyers based in Erina, on the Central Coast.
Coastal Lawyers assist family law clients in parenting, property, mediation, dispute resolution, and litigation. We offer the legal advice you expect from a lawyer, along with the emotional support you might not expect.
We are passionate about assisting our clients achieve amicable separations without the need for court intervention through the process of legally assisted mediation.
Our team also frequently appears at the Newcastle Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (Newcastle FCFCOA), the Parramatta Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (Parramatta FCFCOA), and the Sydney Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (Sydney FCFCOA) to represent our clients in more intricate family law matters. This encompasses issues related to family violence, unacceptable risk of harm to children, relocation applications, recovery orders and complex property settlements.
Coastal Lawyers offer a 1 hour Strategy Session for all new family law enquiries at a reduced hourly rate.
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