When it comes to family law disputes, many people come to mediation after months of lawyer assisted negotiations or discussions between themselves.
By then, they’re often firmly attached to their legal “rights” and positions. While knowing your rights and understanding the strengths and weaknesses of your case is absolutely essential, mediation requires a different mindset.
Instead of focusing on winning or losing, mediation works best when both parties are willing to move from their starting positions.
A successful mediation isn’t about victory; it’s about compromise. In fact, the hallmark of a good outcome is that both parties leave feeling a little disappointed. A sense of “I could’ve got more.” That’s not failure; that’s balance. It means both of you sacrificed something in order to reach an agreement.
Why Compromise is Worth It
So why agree to something less than your “ideal” outcome? Well in my experience as both a seasoned family lawyer and an Accredited Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner is there are four main reasons:
1. Cost
Litigation is expensive. You might fight over $10,000, but by the end of a drawn-out case, you could spend $100,000 to $150,000 in legal fees if it goes to a full final hearing. Mediation allows you to resolve matters far more affordably.
2. Emotional Wellbeing
The toll of conflict isn’t just financial. Prolonged disputes can deeply affect your mental health and wellbeing.
More importantly, if children are involved, ongoing parental conflict can be profoundly damaging. Research shows extended exposure to conflict can even alter a child’s brain development. No parent wants to look back and realise that legal battles over dollars and cents cost their children peace of mind and stability.
3. Time
Court proceedings are rarely quick. Even after your first court date, which may take 6 to 12 weeks to arrive you’re often simply sent back to further directions, mediations, report preparations or adjournments. It’s common for matters to drag on for 18 months or more. By contrast, a mediated agreement can be drafted into consent orders and finalised within weeks or months depending on the complexity and issues in dispute.
4. You get to decide
What many do not realise is that when you go to court and are involved in litigation. You are paying for a judge to decide what should happy to your family and your finances. In mediation however, you get to maintain control over what happens. When you are involved in litigation, who ‘wins’ will depend on who presents the best evidence on the day(s) of the trial and how the judge assigned to your case assesses that evidence.
The Harsh Reality of Litigation
If mediation fails, litigation often becomes the next step. But here’s the reality:
- Over time, costs escalate while assets often depreciate. You are already losing.
- Conflict tends to increase, not decrease.
- Litigation fatigue sets in, leaving families drained financially and emotionally.
- The court process is slow, and the “big day” in front of a judge may be years away.
- In many cases, the final court order looks very similar to what could have been achieved in mediation years earlier or sadly worse because now emotionally and financially a toll has been taken.
When Court is Necessary
The court system is crucial for keeping families safe. If there are serious concerns like family violence, abuse, or unacceptable risks to children, the court is the best place to ensure protection and accountability. In those circumstances, litigation is not just appropriate but essential sometimes. This is where having an experienced family lawyer is crucial to understanding your particular unique case and needs.
However, in cases involving modest asset pools such as a home, cars, superannuation, and savings mediation often provides the fastest, least damaging path forward.
Final Thoughts
Mediation isn’t about giving up your rights or “losing.” It’s about making a clear-eyed, practical decision for the sake of your finances, your wellbeing, and most importantly your children. By approaching mediation with the right mindset, you give yourself the best chance of moving forward sooner, lighter, and with less regret.
If you would like to learn more about mediation, this blog post is written by Kristal Naividi of Olive Mediation and you can find out more at http://www.olivemediation.com.au